How to Let Go? Just Hang On. How to Hang On? Just Let Go.

I tried to write a comment on my friend's blog post, and I could not get it to work!  Unable to "Let it Go", I am going to re-post it here, along with my comment. ahahha, yep, I couldn't let it go...

The 12 Steps and Zen Koans,  by Bill K.



In recovery everything is backwards. I was taught by my parents (the same ones that also occasionally made pancakes for dinner - I can relate) taught me that when I got the end of my rope, I should tie a big knot and hang on. There was a popular poster out at that time (in the 70's when posters were cool) of a tiny kitten hanging on to a big knot. It said "Hang in There Baby"


Now I know that when I get to the end of my rope, I need to let go. And if I am spiritually fit, I might not even have to wait until I get to the end of it. And someday, I may not even pick up the rope!


Thanks for a great post Bill K.

Jane


www.focusontoday.com Effective and Intuitive Private Counselling,Online,Face to Face and Telephone. Learning to live in right relationship with self, spirit and others.

A Full and Thankful Heart

Attitude of Gratitude

posted 19 minutes ago by Focus On Today

Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so, let us all be thankful.

www.focusontoday.com Effective and Intuitive Private Counselling,Online,Face to Face and Telephone. Learning to live in right relationship with self, spirit and others.

Twins: Separated at Birth - or - What is Your Story? - Focus On Today

Twins: Separated at Birth - or - What is Your Story? - Focus On Today

In Focus Today...‎ > ‎

Twins: Separated at Birth - or - What is Your Story?

posted 29 minutes ago by Focus On Today

What is your story? About 15 years ago, I was just becoming conscious of my own spiritual journey. A personal crisis afforded me an opportunity to re-examine my life, my choices and consequences. As often happens, seemingly chance happenings can have big impacts, and I had just such a happening in a dentist waiting room. I picked up a mainstream psychology magazine, and flipped to a story entitled: Twins, Separated at Birth. Here is the paraphrased story: There was a pair of twins, who, separated at birth, were raised in different families unaware of each other's existence. By chance (divine intervention), the twins were re-united after 30 years or so. Much to psychologist's delight, the twins presented a rare opportunity for insight by agreeing to participate in separate interviews. The First Interview: Twin number one was asked a lot of questions about his habits and behaviours. The twin stated that he was a meticulous house keeper. "Everything needs to be in its place, and there is a place for everything. I have the clothes in my closet colour-coordinated and I am very fussy about the vacuum lines on the carpet being straight." The interviewers asked him, "Why do you think you are like this?" and the twin stated without hesitation, "This is how my mother taught me to keep house. Our house was immaculate always. This is what I learned." The Second Interview: Twin number two was asked the same questions. The second twin stated that he was a meticulous housekeeper. "I have all the cans in my cupboard lined up, with labels facing front, and when I cut the lawn the lines are as straight as arrows. My house and belongings are always in order!" The interviewers asked this twin why he thought he was like this. He answered matter of factly, "My mother was a slob! Our house was always a disaster, I could never find anything. I swore I would never be like my mother". This story revealed to me that only I was accountable for my life and all my choices. Typical of people living the 'unexamined life', I had been sure that all the negative events of my life were because of a variety of reasons that had nothing to do with me; I was a product of all that had ever happened to me. This twin study disclosed what I have since found to be completely true: it is not the things that happened to me, it is how I have reacted to the things that happened to me. I have seen the magic of this revelation manifest in the lives of hundreds of people I have known and worked with. When a person who believes that they are a victim of circumstance discovers and appropriates responsibility and accountability for themselves, they are on the road to freedom. When the word 'victim' is exchanged for 'volunteer', everything can change. What is the story of 'blame' in your life? You may have been told, or in turn told the story so many times you don't even question it. Are you the way you are because: You were an only child (first born, middle child, youngest) You were raised by grandparents Never had grandparents Raised on a farm Raised in the city, small town, village, hamlet, overseas, on an Island You were poor, wealthy, middle-class Had to wear glasses, braces or corrective shoes Were picked on Were most popular, looked up to Blonde, red-headed or brunette, curly or straight? Neglected Smothered Abused Sheltered Low or high IQ This list goes on ad infinitum. The real truth behind your life only becomes apparent when the accepted stories are challenged and discarded. I hope this chance encounter I had in the waiting room with the twins impacts you like it did me. What is your story?

www.focusontoday.comEffective and Intuitive Private Counselling,Online,Face to Face and Telephone. Learning to live in right relationship with self, spirit and others.

Chocolate Lab Delight, A Big Hearted Handsome Dog, Cocoa Derry

www.focusontoday.com

Effective and Intuitive Private Counselling,Online,Face to Face and Telephone. Learning to live in right relationship with self, spirit and others.

Excuses, Excuses

Rationalization - Let Me Explain. Clearing away the wreckage

In Focus Today…‎ > ‎

“Let Me Explain…”

posted by Focus On Today

Here’s a challenge. Listen for the words, “Let me explain…”. Whose mouth do you hear them from first? Your own?

I was working with a person today, discussing accountability. She asked, “What does rationalizing mean?”  A long forgotten ‘slogan’ came immediately to mind, so I’ll share it here too, as the slogan of the day.

The definition of rationalization: providing a socially acceptable reason for a socially unacceptable behaviour.



Learn the skills to be accountable for your own behaviour, without excuses. It is impossible to clear away the wreckage of your own rationalizing and justifying using your own rationalizing and justifying. Get the help you need to find clarity, peace of mind and harmony.

Posted 11 seconds ago

www.focusontoday.com Effective and Intuitive Private Counselling,Online,Face to Face and Telephone. Learning to live in right relationship with self, spirit and others.

Empathetic Listening Tips - Focus on Today

Couple Work - Things Not To Do When Practicing Empathetic Listening

Things Not To Do When Practising Empathetic Listening

Empathetic Listening is a learned skill. Most people did not grow up either receiving or practising this powerful way of communicating. There is a whole lot to say about this art, and in this article, I am going to list 10 things NOT to do while listening to someone with your whole attention. There are dozens of things you should avoid, and this list just starts alphabetically with 10 suggestions. If this is a new behaviour, some of these things will feel strange. Don’t worry, you will find dozens of opportunities to practice this art with just about anyone that you run across during your day.

Don’t:

1. Advise: Don’t give advice, counsel or offer opinions or suggestions to your partner during this interchange. Empathetic listening is not a normal two way conversation.

2. Analyze: Don’t analyze what the other person is saying. Your job as an empathetic listener is not to critically examine what your partner is saying. As your skills in listening increase, you will not only stop yourself from saying out loud your criticism, but you’ll notice they will stop in your head too.

3. Argue: Don’t argue with anything your partner is saying, don’t present reasons for or against anything. This is not the time for adversary both out loud, and in your head.

4. Argue about facts: Even if you think your partner has gotten some facts wrong - dates, names or such. These ‘facts’ are irrelevant to listening with heart. Don’t try to correct.

5. Ask indirect questions: Don’t ask for clarification about things that don’t matter, just to satisfy a curiosity. You don’t need to have all the details filled in to listen with heart.

6. Be emotional: It is important to stay calm, and not use exaggerated facial expressions of things like shock or anger or disgust while listening. Your emotions will distract the speaker from their own process.

7. Be prejudiced: Keep an open mind about everything you think you know. You have an opportunity to challenge your own prejudices and stay impartial and receptive to new or different ideas. If you find your mind closing down, stop, and remember your job as an empathetic listener.

8. Become defensive: Don’t take anything personally. If you are feeling attacked or accused, remember your job is to listen impartially. If you find yourself presenting evidence, rationalizing or justifying, you are defensive. This means verbally, or mentally in your head. Put it all aside, and just listen.

9. Blame: Assigning blame to any person, situation or principle is counter-productive to empathetic listening. Just let the person know you have heard them.

10. Change the subject: Make sure that you don’t advertently or inadvertently start talking about something different. This is called hijacking or derailing the conversation. It is very disrespectful, and can shut your partner down.

I’ve used the word partner, just to indicate the other person in the interchange. Once you start using these principles in your daily communication with people, you will become amazed at how people respond to you, and your relationships will flourish. People likely won’t know why they feel so much better after talking with you, but true empathetic listening affords the speaker a tremendous opportunity to work things out for themselves.

Watch for further articles for more tips on what Not to do during your Empathetic Listening opportunities.

See more about what I do at http://www.focusontoday.com

Jane Derry is a skilled and intuitive counsellor. She specializes in working with individuals and families facing addiction issues and codependency, as well as conflict resolution. Jane’s main focus is to help you connect with your higher spiritual self. Jane and her husband John Derry, B.Sc., Phm, Master Counsellor, through their practice Focus On Today, are ready to help you find clarity in your life. Online, Skype, Face to Face, or Telephone services are available.
http://www.focusontoday.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jane_Derry

www.focusontoday.com Effective and Intuitive Private Counselling,Online,Face to Face and Telephone. Learning to live in right relationship with self, spirit and others.

Empathetic Listening: 10 Things Not to Do

Empathetic Listening: 10 Things Not to Do

www.focusontoday.comEffective and Intuitive Private Counselling,Online,Face to Face and Telephone. Learning to live in right relationship with self, spirit and others.